I do not know if that is the best way to describe the way I feel or my new state of being but it was pointed out to me the other day and I really do not have a better word to describe where I am at.
On Friday, January 29th my mom lost her battle with cancer. Sick since last February and diagnosed in March, she really did fight until the bitter end. I really do not know how to talk about this or even how to process this. It is the complete opposite situation of my dad's passing. He has been gone since January 5, 1997 when he collapsed from a heart attack while on vacation. If you notice the dates both my parents left this world in January, 13 years apart.
As I try to deal with the reality and pray for sleep I sit here with a heavy heart, almost afraid to cry for fear that I will never stop. What I want to share are the words the Lord inspired me to write in my mom's borthday card just one month ago. The words give me hope and make me realized the blessing the Lord gave me.
I hope and pray that today is a good day and that you are able to enjoy the whole family. I want you to know that it has been a privilege to serve and help you in this last year. I know it is not easy to ask or accept help and I know it is frustrating not to be able to do things yourself but I have been happy to be there for you. You have done so much for me all my life and not all children are able to give back to their parents in such a tangible way but the Lord granted me the opportunity to give back to you and I praise Him for that. I do wish the circumstances were better and I do wish I could take away your pain. You have been such a trooper and a great example even in your suffering. I love you so much Mom! You are amazing and I truly appreciate you. I pray for you daily. Take comfort in your faith in the Lord and through your faith in Jesus Christ know that you will live eternally with the Creator in Heaven. I take comfort in the fact that one day we will be reunited in Heaven. I praise God for that gift - the ultimate gift of eternal life through Jesus Christ. I have thought about this so much lately and I pray that you hold on to salvation in Christ as the days are tough. Pray to Jesus as He understands your suffering as He suffered on the cross for our sins. Take comfort in that this world is not as good as it gets - the Bible speaks of how amazing Heaven is; it's just too bad that our human minds cannot understand the greatness of Heaven. I love you so much Mom and I will continue to be there for you. Please do not feel guilty or sorry, like I said I count it a privilege to help and serve you.
I LOVE YOU!