My Baby is ONE!

I cannot believe that today is Gavin's first birthday. Where did the year go? I feel like I lived in survival mode for much of the first part of the year and in guilt mode during the second half, sad that I did not hold him more and that I had to split my time between him and Braiden. Gavin has been such an easy going baby for the most part that I think I may have taken advantage of that from time to time. Reflecting on this year has made me realize why this year was tough and emotionally draining but joyous and full of love at the same time.

Reflection:
Wednesday, February 6, 2008 began with an early morning phone call (sometime before 6am) from the director of the agency letting me know that the birth mother had headed to the hospital as she was in labor. This call was a shock as we were not even sure if she was going to go through with the adoption until this day. I prepared for going to the hospital by having my mom come to watch Braiden and Jeff headed home from work. By 10am we were on the way to the hospital with mixed emotions. Our social worker was sick so we had to make the first meeting with the burth mom alone. Talk about an uncomfortable situation, we walked into her hospital room while she was in pain and in labor. Fortunately we had a mutual friend who made things better but really Jeff and I did not stay in the room long. We waited in the tiny waiting room all day. From time to time we were able to talk with family members of the birth mother and get to know a little about them. By 5:30pm we were actually sitting around with many of her relatives. We had a nice time getting to know them. At 6:15pm the birth mother's mom came out to let us know that the little boy had been born and was healthy. One by one the family members left. Jeff and I quickly realized that we were the only two left. We began to pray at this point because we knew that this was second thought time for the birth mom. For two hours we sat and prayed. So for most the moment of birth is a joyous moment, a sigh of relief but for me that is where the tears began and the anxiety started. I knew the Lord was in control but I also knew the pain of losing a child (we had a baby girl for eight days three months before Braiden was born). Those were the longest two hours of my life. Finally about 9pm we were called back to the nursery and were able to meet the little boy we would name Gavin. We actually were able to name him there so all of his documentation has only the name we gave him. Here was our first meeting...

Gavin Thomas 6lbs 13 oz, 18 3/4 in

The next sad part for me was leaving Gavin in the hospital and going home for the evening. We really had no choice. Because I did not give birth we did not have a room and all they could offer us was a closet. No really it may have been a small hallway, but people did come in to get supplies out of the cabinet in the room. The room was about 8 feet long and maybe 3 feet wide. Is is bad when the bassinet, which we had to take in with us as well, takes up the majority of the room? Oh and if Jeff and I were in there together we were quite close! The other "great" thing about the closet was the uncomfortable plastic chair. The floor would have been a better choice but that was not an appropriate option. Below you can see the chair next to me, I was sitting on the same type. Jeff was up against the wall in order to take this picture. Looking at this picture I think I was generous in saying it was 8 feet long, I think it was more like 6. What you see is what you get, there was not any more room to that space.


Anyway, we spent as much time as we could with Gavin but we had to get some sleep so we headed home about 11pm that night. I felt like the worst mother in the world leaving Gavin there alone in the nursery. And I thought I would sleep???!!! I prayed all night long that his birth mother would not change her mind.

The next day we took Braiden with us to meet his little brother. Three minutes into the visit Braiden cut his eye on Gavin's bassinet. Jeff spent a lot of the day entertaining Braiden while I was in our "closet" with Gavin. It was quite awkward explaining to the new shift of nurses the situation (this hospital had not dealt with adoption much which was evident in their lack of protocol). This day although happy was still very gloomy as we had to say good bye to the birth mom. Since she was released late that day we found out we could take Gavin home but after consulting with our social worker we had to wait until the next day. I felt pretty good until a nurse came over and told me that since we were not taking Gavin home that night we should return early the next morning and run with the baby before the grandparents came back...night 2 without sleep and deep in prayer.

The next morning, Friday, I was sick to my stomach getting ready and going to the hospital. I was convinced that Gavin was gone. I held back tears the entire time. When we arrived at the hosptial we had trouble getting through security, he had to make a couple phone calls before he could let us go back! But we did get to go back and Gavin was there waiting for us with our social worker! I wish I could say that is where the roller coaster ended but it did not. We did get to sign documents but the birth mother did not. She did not for a few more days which extended the waiting period for termination of her rights. Again I obviously did not need to be concerned but since we had given a baby back once before we were very guarded. The happy news Gavin came home with us and after much more heartache over the birth father issue and a much longer wait in finalizing than anticipated we did finalize and he is ours forever! I still have a lot to learn on waiting on the Lord. I have learned a lot on the subject through the adoption process but looking back I have not learned enough. I praise God for this amazing life he entrusted to me!

Leaving the hospital!

Here is a funny side note...it will be about 10 months before we will receive Gavin's birth certificate. With Braiden we received a post card about three months after finalization that said we would have the birth certificate in about seven months and not to make contact before then. I want to know if they hand stich them :)